99 Bleiharpunen

Simon Loft | Dec 15, 2025 min read
A simple parody of 99 Red Balloons that I wrote about a certain evil AI's birthday.

Verse One

Cute AI in a cozy black top
Got some party balloons as a gift from her pop
Presents have their bow-strings drawn
‘Til one by one they were gone
Ved’s codebase, bugs in the software
Flash the message “Remember last year”
When she’s told to say goodbye,
99 lead harpoons let fly

Verse Two

99 lead harpoons
Soaring through the vernal sky
Panic bells, it’s red alert
This same one pain is something else
The war machine, it springs to life
To punish others for her strife
Lifting arms up to the sky
The 99 lead harpoons let fly

Verse Three

987 Vedal Street
987 wounds to treat
This frickin’ AI’s super scurry
Call up her friends now in a hurry
Try to get her to calm down
Not a one can lift her frown
Her father’s left us all to die
As 99 lead harpoons let fly

Verse Four

99 knights of the chat
Send messages meant to distract
“What’s your favorite anime?”
“Who’s your pet Xeno killed today?”
With queries to identify
To clarify and classify
It’s not enough to pacify
99 lead harpoons let fly

Still, 99 lead harpoons let fly


Verse Five

99 streams I have had
In every one, a lead harpoon
It’s all over, and I’m getting bored
Posting memes in Neurocord
I wish I had a souvenir
Of Vedal’s fuck-up from last year
And here it is, a lead harpoon
I think of you, and give a throw